Put The Bass in Your Walk

I have a sick obsession with reality television. Not all shows just a specific sub-category of reality TV – the competition shows. You won’t catch me watching jersey Shore or Teen Mom but rest assured, if you ever need to know who America’s next Top anything is, I’m the one to call. One of my latest obsessions is RuPaul’s Drag Race. If you haven’t seen it you are missing out on quality family programming with this one.

The show is exactly what you would expect from RuPaul – drag queens, shade, bitchiness and it’s filled with more sexual innuendos than Pam Anderson’s been filled with … never mind.

[Why such a dated reference with Pam Anderson? She was a guest judge, so that makes her semi-relevant.]

I started watching last season by accident. I was flipping through channels and I don’t remember what made me stop to watch but I can tell you what made me hit record on my DVR.

It was Sutan (drag name Raja)! He was my absolute favorite make-up artist from America’s Next Top Model (another unhealthy TV relationship I have). I was so excited. I remembered him mentioning on one of the earlier seasons of Top Model that he did drag but I never thought I would be watching him from the comfort of my living room.

How could anyone not have wanted this fierceness to win?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Needless to say, I was hooked onto RuPaul’s fishy net. And here we are nearing the end of season 4 and I am watching faithfully every Monday as well as the behind the scenes footage show aptly titled Untucked.
Last night one of those obligatory recap shows aired giving us an exclusive look at audition tapes, contestant banter and wildly hilarious inappropriate jokes made by the judges. I’m going to try not to ramble, but I won’t make any promises.

Though I thoroughly cannot stand recap shows, it was nice to see the girls’ audition tapes and reaction videos. A few of the queens have no use being brought up (Madame LaQueer, the Princess, DiDa Ritz – bleh, not my cups of tea) but I do have a few choice words for some of the other ladies.

Lashauwn Beyond: I thought this queen deserved a second chance. Sure she was a bit shy but I have a feeling had they kept her she definitely wouldn’t have made it to the top 5 but she could have shown some sickening runway outfits. I am saddened to say, however, that I think she still hasn’t learned how to pronounce post-apocalyptic.

Willam: I so wanted to hate Willam but by the third episode I was in love. He’s a funny, narcissistic, name-dropping bitch and I absolutely loved every minute of it. It was almost as if he didn’t really care about the show, he just wanted to show the world his awesome wardrobe and just how fabulous he is. Oh, and did you know he was on Sex & the City? And Boston Public?  It’s such a shame she got kicked off for some undisclosed reason. The only thing that was said about her departure is that she broke some show rule. I want to know what the frack he did. But I guess I’ll have to wait until the reunion.

Kenya Michaels: Just two words for her – freaking adorable. And let’s just add ‘absolutely fierce’ for good measure.

Latrice Royale: I loooooove Latrice. If it weren’t for her, I would have never heard these beautiful words, “Jesus is a biscuit. Let Him sop you up.” And I just love how they showed Latrice trying to explain to these people the definition of sop. I was so sad to see her go but I knew it was going to happen. In the dog episode, everything she wore was just so basic. I love this lady and she is a regal queen, but I personally felt she phoned it in on her last episode.

The Final Three:

I love that my two faves, Chad Michaels and Sharon Needles are in the top three. And I think it’s just so unfortunate that Phi Phi O’Hara is there. Maybe it’s just me, but I cannot stand that shady queen Phi Phi. Hungry my ass, she’s just down right vicious. She is one of the fakest, most mean-spirited people I’ve come across in my circle of imaginary reality TV star friends. She keeps preaching how she values fairness and even in her audition tape she says all queens should be friends and support each other but I guess none of that stands when you’re in a competition. It’s like how she deviously tried to convince Jiggly Caliente not to do something funny because she knew humor was Jiggly’s strength. I’m just not a fan.

But besides Phi Phi’s undeserved ego, let’s talk about another elephant in the room – Chad Michael’s perfection. Dear god, how immaculate is she? I don’t even know what else to say about her. The lady is flawless. Just look at this please.

I mean come on. Does this look like someone who's gonna lose?

The other half of my heart belongs to Sharon Needles. I knew she was going to make it to the top 3 on the first episode. She’s something different and you never know what she’s going to say but I guarantee it will be hilarious and the judges and myself will just eat it right up. I honestly think she’s going to win and I want her to. She’s the only one who has consistently been on top and shown range while still remaining true to her spirit. She’s spooky glam and I love it. Chad could win and I’d still be elated but if Phi Phi wins I’m sending Party City recruits to glitter bomb her.

Cruella Deville realness here, ladies. She is unbothered by Phi Phi's bologna.

I could certainly keep going on and on about this show but I’ll save it for next week when we find out who RuPaul’s Next Drag Superstar is. Until then, I’m going to sit down with a plate of cheesecake and continue to wonder what the fraggle rock Willam did to puke offstage and then proceed to get kicked off. An unexpected pregnancy perhaps? Ha.